The Creature In The Closet

"The Creature In The Closet" (Sweetheart's Version)
by Fred Passmore copyight 2004

(Click here to read the original version, where the focus is on friendship.)

Synopsis: A man has been holding a grudge against his sweetheart, souring their relationship, and it is making him sick. In a parable about the dangers of hidden resentments, two policemen come to investigate a report that he is harboring a creature known as a "grudge."

Characters: Ron Evans, the man holding the grudge. Officers Steven Stryker and Phil Barks. (Barks may be played by a male or female, changing the first name to Phyllis if a female) Sweetheart Wilma, against whom Ron is harboring unforgiveness.

Costumes: Ron is dressed casually. The officers may be plainclothes, in black suits and ties and dark sunglesses, or in uniform if you have them available. Wilma is dressed casually.

Props: Two badges for the officers, a TV remote, a phone, keys on a key ring, a plastic trash bag with something heavy and sagging in it.

Setting: The living room of a home, with a sofa and a couple of chairs, or a table and three chairs. As much or as little furniture and decorations as desired.

SOUNDTRACK CD INFO

NOTE: Your actors deliver the dialog and you play the background music and effects tracks as listed in the script to enhance your performance.

Soundtrack: As always, the specially-recorded soundtrack will make your performance of this skit script much funnier, professional, and effective. The soundtrack for this skit is on the Combo Package #7 soundtrack CD, along with the tracks to "The Deejay's Dilemma." The soundtrack for "Creature in the Closet" works for either version; "Sweetheart" or "Friendship." Order it with your credit card by going to the Soundtracks Page, or click here: Add CD #7 To Cart

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(Play Cut # 1 on the Soundtrack CD; the Skit Open. It has the TV sounds and the doorbell on the same track.)

(Ronald is watching TV when the doorbell rings. He gets up tiredly and answers it. At the door are two men in uniform wearing dark sunglasses.)

Officer Stryker: (Flipping out a badge.) I'm Officer Stryker, this is my partner, Officer Barks.

Officer Stryker: We're from the Department of Creature Control, Grudge Division.

Officer Stryker: We're here to investigate a report that you are harboring a grudge.

Ron: I'm not feeling too well, today. But if you want to come in, feel free. I have nothing to hide.

Officer Stryker: Thank you. (They enter the room, both removing their sunglasses and looking around. The TV noise is loud.) Do you mind turning that down a little?

Officer Barks: You know, grudges are dangerous creatures, Mr. Evans. Even small ones. Secretly harboring one can be harmful to you and everyone around you.

Ron: I understand, I'd never do that. Besides, I'm a Christian, and I don't believe in doing things like that.

Officer Stryker: Grudges will try to take up with anyone, Mr. Evans. If you let them stay, even a little while, they're hard to get rid of.

Ron: (Nervously.) Uh... it's just a storage room, nothing really. Not much more than a closet. (Starts to walk in opposite direction.) Let me show you the kitchen...

Officer Barks: (Sniffing the air, he moves toward the closet door.) No, it seems to be coming from this room. What are you storing in there?

Ron: (Lightly, trying not to arouse suspicion.) You know, this and that, mostly junk. Nothing you'd be interested in.

Ron: Well, if you insist. (Takes keys out of pocket.) Let me see... (Searches key ring, stalling for time.) I know it must be here somewhere...

Officer Stryker: (Observing him as he fumbles with the keys.) You know, Mr. Evans, grudges seem to make good pets, especially the small ones, but they can never be domesticated.

Officer Barks: And the older a grudge gets, the bigger and uglier it grows. You can't keep it hidden forever. Sooner or later it will escape and maul someone.

Ron: I'll keep that in mind, in case I ever see one. (Getting nervous now.) I-I can't seem to find the key for this door. But I'm telling you, there's nothing in there that could possibly be dangerous!

Officer Stryker: (Shooting a look at his partner, he emphasizes his words.) No, really. We just ate.

Ron: How about some home-made candy, then? I have some great coconut and caramel fudge!

Officer Stryker: (Intensely, to both.) NO! (A little more quietly.) Thanks. Ron, I have to say that you seem a little uncomfortable.

Ron: No! I mean, not at all. Who told you that I was harboring a grudge? Wilma, my ex-girlfriend?

Ron: (Smacking his hands together.) I knew it! Wilma just won't let this thing go. She had to go and blab and get others involved and on her side!

Officer Stryker: It's not important. What is important is that you understand the consequences of such a thing.

Ron: (Not listening to them, he is pacing around ranting.) It was an easy mistake. One simple slip-up when I forgot to get her anything for Valentine's Day. It also happened to be the day we met a year ago. (He spins and looks at them pleadingly.) Haven't either of you ever forgotten an important anniversary?

Officer Stryker: This isn't about us, Ron. But Valentine's Day is more important to women than us guys. We have to make an effort to do something or their feelings can be hurt badly.

Ron: It's a conspiracy by the candy and card companies, and we get sucked into going along with it by guilt. Well, I am not falling for it!

Officer Barks: Ron, all we want to do is help. Getting rid of a grudge is much harder than getting it, and we can assist you, if you only cooperate with us.

Ron: (Still ranting.) And then to get back at me for forgetting, as she backs her car out of the driveway, she runs into my motorcycle and knocks it over! She did it on purpose, she knew I just spent $850 on a new paintjob!

Officer Stryker: (To Barks.) Uh, Phil, why don't you take Ron and check out some of the other rooms. I'll keep working on this door.

Ron: (Suddenly blocking the door with his body.) No! You can't go in there! (Realising he is giving himself away, he tries to recover.) I... uh, just had it fumigated! Roaches. Big ones.

Officer Barks: (As an aside, to his partner.) I'm glad we passed on the fudge, now.

Officer Stryker: Stand aside, Ron. We know what you're hiding. (He motions with his head to Barks to move Ron, who takes him by the arm and pulls him away.)

Officer Barks: Now, just calm down! (As he spins Ron around and pins him against the wall.) This is for your own good.

Officer Stryker: (Standing ready to break down the door.) If you won't help us, Ron, we'll break the door down anyway.

Ron: (Resignedly.) All right, I'll try to open it again. (Barks releases him and he selects a key.) I think this might be it.

Officer Stryker: I'll try it. (Holding out his hand, he takes the key.) Stand back.

(Barks holds Ron by the arm and draws him to one side. They watch carefully as Officer Stryker carefully approaches the door and inserts the key.)

Ron: (Urgently.) Be careful! (They look at him. He tries to cover his accidental admission.) It, uh, might be stuffy in there after all this time.

(Stryker slowly turns the key, which works. He opens the creaking door slightly, then a little more, looking through the crack. After a tense moment, he pushes it open some more, and sees nothing.)

Ron: (Somewhat surprised, but relieved.) See? I told you there was nothing in th-

(SUDDENLY there is a ferocious snarling and growling as something monstrous charges the door! The music on the previous track erupts in a dramatic sequence.)

(Officer Stryker, reacting to the attack, jerks back and tries to close the door, but something has it from the other side, trying to pull it open! Ron is screaming in terror, and Barks rushes to help his partner close the door against the onslaught of animalistic fury.)

(They finally get it shut and relocked, dropping back away from the door and breathing heavily. The sounds of growling and scratching still emanate from behind the door.)

Officer Stryker: (Still breathing heavily.) Ron, anything you want to tell us now?

Ron: (Slumping.) Yeah, now that you know, I might as well confess the whole thing.

Officer Barks: Why don't we sit down and talk about it. (Motions to seats in living room.)

Ron: (Wringing his hands.) It came right after I got upset with Wilma about ruining my bike's paint job. I was sitting on the porch, thinking about it, when here comes this little grudge, hopping up on the step. It looked so cute, and harmless.

Ron: I picked it up, and it rubbed against me, purring like a kitten. It was so comforting to listen to, and when I talked to it about my problems, it seemed to listen to me. In fact, as I talked about what Wilma did to me, it seemed to enjoy it, and would roll around and jump on my lap in joy. It crawled inside my coat and curled up like it was at home. I carried it around with me, and I never wanted to let it go.

Ron: No. As it grew, it lost it's fur and grew scales. It's teeth got sharper and it's claws would grip me so tight it hurt. As it got bigger, it would demand my attention and make me feed it. Then, I couldn't let go of it. Rather, it wouldn't let go of me. Wilma tried to make up but it wouldn't let me listen to her, it would pinch me and remind me of what she did.

Officer Barks: Ron, we've found that these type of things behave according to a pattern. Did you find it starting to take over your life?

Ron: Exactly! No matter where I went or what I did, the grudge was always there, clinging to me and making me think about it. It interfered with my relationships with my friends and family. Finally I locked it in the storage room and tried to forget about it. It's been there for almost 3 months now. (Ashamed.) I was afraid to face it and I was afraid to ask for help.

Officer Stryker: We understand. But, Ron, ignoring it won't make it go away. Grudges like this one fester, and get more poisonous, and smelly. Eventually they break out and cause a lot of pain and heartache.

Ron: Lately I've begun to feel sick all the time. It's affecting me physically. (Pleadingly.) Officers, what do I do? I need help. I want to get rid of it but I don't know how!

Officer Stryker: Confessing it is the first step to getting rid of it. You've done the right thing by coming clean. But that's only the first step.

Officer Barks: That's right, Ron. There's something you have to do. Talk to Wilma and confess it to her, and ask her forgiveness. Then the grudge will die.

Ron: (Indignantly.) Ask her forgiveness? But she's the one that wronged me! All she was out of was a box of candy and a card, I was out for the repair bill to my bike!

Officer Stryker: Nevertheless, you have the grudge. It only stays as long as you hide and protect it.

Ron: But I've avoided her for so long, I doubt she'll even want to hear what I have to say. I've ruined what we had forever.

(Stryker and Barks nod at each other and smile slightly, both standing. Barks goes to the door.)

(Barks opens the door and motions. Wilma enters hesitantly, standing just inside the door.)

Wilma: (With some trepidation, she uncertainly lifts a hand.) Hey, Ron. Hope you don't mind that I came over with them.

Ron: (With affection.) Wilma... I'm... surprised to see you. (Stepping forward to stand a little closer.) I'm... glad to see you. Come in!

Ron: (Taking her hand and holding it in both of his.) Wilma, I have something to confess to you. Ever since our little... falling out, I've been harboring a grudge against you.

Wilma: I thought so. I've been worried about it. Even though we both apologised to each other, something still wasn't right. That's why I called these guys.

Ron: Really? Well, I'm glad you called them. I needed some help to see that not only was I doing you wrong, I was sinning against God. (Pulls her closer.) I'm sorry for it, and I ask your forgiveness.

Wilma: (With a smile.) I've already forgiven you, honey. I never wanted us to have a falling out. I'm sorry for scraping up your bike. But it was an accident, you know.

Ron: (With a smile.) Thanks, sweetheart. I forgive you too. I'll never bring it up again.

(Stryker and Barks look at each other and smile in empathy at the scene and Barks even takes out his hanky and wipes some moisture from his eyes, then blows his nose.)

Ron: Look, Wilma, you want to go for a ride on the bike? It sure is lonely going to the park where we used to go all by myself.

Wilma: That's so sweet! (Turning to the officers, who were looking around as if not to intrude.) Thank you so much for helping us get over this!

Officer Stryker: Glad we could be of assistance. Now, let's see about that nasty old grudge.

(They go to the door and unlock it, opening it. They all react to a bad smell.)

Officer Stryker: (Calling back from the room.) I've found it! Your grudge has kicked the bucket, Ron!

(Stryker comes out of the room with a plastic garbage bag, sagging with something inside of it.)

Stryker: A heavy little monster. But, it won't bother you again. We'll take it and dispose of the carcass for you.

Ron: (Standing with his arm around Wilma's waist.) Thanks again, officers. I didn't realise how bad things had gotten with it being hidden here.

Officer Stryker: Well, sometimes, Ron, our own problems are often the hardest to recognise. It takes help from others to see them. And, to deal with them.

Officer Barks: Call us anytime if you need help again! (They both take out their dark sunglasses and don them as they leave.)

Ron: (Turning to her.) Well, sweetheart, ready to go for that ride? I have a lot to tell you before the sun sets.

Wilma: (Smiling and taking his hand.) Then we'd better get going. I believe God made sunsets just for people like us, and I don't want to miss a second of it!

(They walk out, hand in hand and smiling as the Close Music, Cut #4, comes up and ends the skit.)

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